Bay's Desire Read online

“I just want the ache in my heart to stop.”

  Chapter Eight

  Instead of letting go, Bay drew Suzette into his arms, feeling her tremble as quiet sobs escaped. He felt helpless. The wife he remembered never cried, showed no weakness of any kind. She’d been tough and determined, yet always a lady. Nothing stopped Suzette from reaching for her goal of becoming a chef and managing a restaurant.

  She’d come to Conviction to pursue her dream, even if it meant Bay reentering her life. No matter what he did, how he hurt or humiliated her, she’d worn a smile, done her work with true proficiency.

  For the first time, Bay understood what his selfish actions had done to her. His face burned with shame, gut twisting when she sobbed again. Suzette had slipped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He couldn’t describe how good it felt to have his wife back in his arms.

  Rubbing Suzette’s back, he rested his chin on her head. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. So very sorry.”

  When her arms tightened around him, Bay pressed a kiss to her temple. To his surprise, she didn’t pull away, providing a slight amount of hope. He brushed another kiss across her cheek and waited. Emboldened, but not wanting to take advantage, he pulled back.

  Looking down at her tear-streaked face and puffy eyes, he cupped her face with both hands. One heartbeat passed, then another before Bay lowered his head, gently claiming her mouth. At the feel of her hands gripping his wrists, he intensified the pressure on her soft, full lips, feeling his body respond. He hated to end the contact, but understood their future could depend on what he did right now. Raising his mouth, Bay stared down into languid eyes.

  Lowering his hands to her shoulders, he made a quick decision. “I need to talk to August for a minute. Don’t leave.” He dropped his arms, his gaze intensifying. “Please don’t leave, Suzette.”

  Confusion clouded her features before she looked away, giving no commitment.

  Bay gripped her chin, turning her back to face him. “Suzette?” His pleading gaze locked with hers. He watched as she swallowed, a flash of concern crossing her face.

  “All right. But only for a few minutes.”

  Dipping his head, he gave her a quick kiss. “One minute is all I need.” He left his office, crossing the short distance to August’s. As he’d agreed, he rejoined Suzette sixty seconds later.

  He found her at the window, staring at the street below with her arms banded around her waist. Clearing his throat so as not to startle her, he stepped next to her, threading his fingers through hers.

  “Spend the rest of the day with me, Suzette. We’ll ride out of town. There’s something I want to show you.”

  Holding his breath, he followed her gaze out the window toward the livery.

  “I have to be at work in an hour.”

  “Not today.”

  She shifted to look at him. “What do you mean?”

  “I spoke with August. He’s glad to see you take an evening off. He’ll take care of everything at the restaurant.”

  Rounding on him, her eyes sparked. “You can’t do that. I need the work, Bay.” She turned to walk away when a strong hand gripped her arm.

  “We need to talk and—”

  “No, we don’t need to talk. It’s too late for that. I—” Her next words were cut off when Bay placed his fingers against her lips.

  “No, it isn’t too late. Not for us, Suzette.”

  Shoving his fingers away, she gave a slow shake of her head. “You’ve made no secret of how much you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you.” Stepping away, he ran a hand through his overlong hair, staring out the window for a moment before he returned his attention to her. Lips pinched, the lines around his eyes and mouth appeared deeper than she remembered. “Come with me, Suzette. Please.”

  He held out his hand, waiting, hoping she’d stop fighting him for a few hours. Bay saw the instant her features softened, the anger dissolving. A moment later, she reached out, threading her fingers through his.

  Relief flooded him. It was a start, but Bay knew the worst was still before them. He also knew he wouldn’t run this time. No matter what she had to say, how difficult it might be to hear, he’d listen.

  Ev Hunt leaned a shoulder against the corner of a building, his mood improving the instant Bay walked outside, a beautiful woman on his arm. It took him a moment to realize the woman was Suzette Gasnier, the manager at the Feather River Hotel and its connecting restaurant.

  The woman and where she worked meant nothing to Ev. At least not in connection with the job he’d accepted from Dave Calvan.

  He’d first thought the man’s request ridiculous. Weaken Bay to a point he’d be an easy target for Calvan. After a few weeks, Ev had seen the elegance of it. He’d also enjoyed witnessing Bay’s deterioration. To most, it wouldn’t be noticeable. To a doctor such as Hunt, it was a simple diagnosis. Regardless, for the money Calvan offered, the job was more enjoyable than any he’d taken in years.

  Following them to the livery, he recognized the opportunity their leaving town presented. Ev didn’t care where they went as long as they stayed away for at least an hour. He could get everything completed in a short period of time.

  The moment they’d disappeared inside the livery, Ev turned around, a slight grin lifting the corners of his mouth.

  Colt picked up the field glasses again, taking a slow sweep over the Smith homestead. So far, there’d been little action this morning, the same as yesterday. In his gut, he knew Delgado would appear. He just didn’t know when or if he’d be alone.

  The outlaw had a history of riding alone, or with one or two others. They were men he trusted and knew for years. Men who didn’t run at the first sign of trouble. At least that was what his boss had told Colt. It didn’t amount to much. Only a little better than nothing.

  Setting the glasses down, he leaned his back against the tree trunk. From what he’d seen so far, there was no Mr. Smith. It made sense. If there had been a husband around, she probably wouldn’t need the money her brother brought each month.

  Pulling one knee up, he rested a wrist over it, continuing to watch the house. He hadn’t slept well the night before, not wanting to miss a chance to catch Delgado if he did show. Colt believed he could take on a lone outlaw, but maybe not two or three. It would depend on if he caught them by surprise and if their skills with a gun weren’t as good as his. He thought the chance of that slim.

  Closing his eyes, Colt leaned his head against the tree. The soft breeze, leaves rustling in the wind, soothed him. Within minutes, he fell asleep.

  The feel of someone kicking his boot and sound of quiet laughter woke him. Reflex had him lifting the gun from its holster, pointing it at the form standing in front of him.

  “Damn, Alex. I could’ve shot you.” Shaking his head, Colt pushed himself up, holstering the six-shooter.

  The deputy gave an incredulous shake of his head. “Doubtful. If I’d been Delgado, you’d be dead.”

  Alex was right, and Colt knew it.

  Walking a few feet toward the ranch house, the deputy scanned the area. “Has it been this quiet since Brodie and Sam left you here?”

  Colt stepped beside him. “Yep. She and a couple children are all I’ve seen. They go in and out of the house throughout the day. No sign of Delgado, though.”

  “It could take weeks if he visited right before you found her. I think she’s still the best chance we have of finding him.”

  Colt nodded. “I agree. You’re here sooner than I expected.”

  “Brodie asked me to come early. He wants to meet with you about something. Didn’t say what. Just asked that I send you back.”

  Brows furrowing, Colt gathered the little amount of gear, cinched his horse’s saddle tighter, and mounted. “Don’t try to be a hero, Alex. If Delgado rides in with other men, head back to town and get me.”

  Alex rubbed the stubble on his chin, his mouth twisting. “Didn’t you say he doesn’t stay long
at his sister’s? It might be our only chance to get him.”

  “Not if his other men shoot you.” Reining his horse in a circle, he drew up. “I’m serious about this. If he approaches alone, the decision is yours. If not, ride for town.” He waited until Alex nodded, then rode off, hoping the deputy heeded his advice.

  “Where are we going?” Suzette rode next to Bay, enjoying riding again after so long not owning a horse. She’d rented one from the livery a few times, but it wasn’t the same as having a horse of her own.

  He smiled over at her, continuing north along the Feather River. “It’s a surprise.”

  “How much farther is it?”

  “Not long at all. Just around the bend in the river.” Ever since they left town almost half an hour earlier, he’d kept sending cautious glances at her. Bay wouldn’t have been surprised if she changed her mind and tried to get away from him. So far, the ride had been pleasant, as if nothing had ever happened between them.

  Five minutes later, he reined to a stop. “Here we are.”

  Suzette looked around, not understanding what she was supposed to see. “What exactly am I looking at?”

  “Our land. We own two thousand acres bounded by the MacLaren ranch and the Feather River.” He swept his hand around as he spoke, the excitement in his voice evident. “We’ll build a house, run some cattle, raise horses, whatever we want.” Bay glanced at Suzette. “Whatever you want.”

  Her jaw dropped as she followed his gaze, not understanding. “What do you mean our land?”

  Resting his hands on the saddlehorn, he continued to survey the property. “I drew up a contract so we own the land jointly. Not fifty-fifty, but together, Suzette.”

  She turned a baffled gaze toward him. “Why would you do that?”

  Riding a few yards away from the river, he dismounted, then helped her down, letting his hands rest on her waist. “Because I want to do whatever I can to help us get back together.” Leaning down, he brushed a kiss across her lips, then stepped away. “I know there’s a good deal of hurt and anger between us, but I’m willing to try again if you are.” Seeing tears well in her eyes, he pulled her into his arms. “Tell me you’ll at least consider it.”

  Wrapping her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his chest. She thought of what Griff had said about her not caring what others thought as long as she had Bay. Until today, she’d thought their marriage over, ruined beyond repair.

  “I don’t understand what has changed in the last week. It wasn’t long ago you brought another of your women into the restaurant. Why would you do that if you wanted to try again?”

  Leaning away, he placed a finger under her chin, lifting her face to look into her eyes. “Because of some things you’ve said in the last few days.” He let out a breath. “And because of what Griff told me about that night.”

  Her gaze narrowed in confusion. “What Griff told you?”

  He pressed his mouth against hers, needing the contact, wanting much more. Drawing away, he took her hand, leading her several yards away. “He told me what he’d learned from the doctor and the sheriff. But I need to hear it all from you, as I should’ve done when I woke up from my injuries.”

  “Before you left me.”

  Letting out a haggard breath, he nodded. “Before I made what I believe to be the worst mistake of my life.”

  Her gaze searched his, hope and love flaring in her eyes. “And if you don’t like what I tell you?”

  “All I’m looking for is the truth, Suzette. I already know I won’t like what you’ll have to say, but it won’t matter. It won’t be easy to hear, but at least I’ll have the truth.”

  Stepping away, she paced toward a stand of trees surrounded by large rocks and low brush. In the clearing close by, she saw a large meadow, wildflowers peeking up through thick, green grass. Lowering her head, she rubbed her temples, doing her best to understand what Bay had said.

  Suzette definitely understood what he hadn’t said. Love had not once crossed his lips. Even though she’d bared herself to him, admitted she still loved Bay, had always loved him, he hadn’t reciprocated. Whipping around, she marched back to him, lifting her chin in a defiant gesture.

  “Do you still love me, Bay?”

  The tightness in his chest eased. “I’ve always loved you, Suzette.”

  Chapter Nine

  “I was preparing supper, thinking about the trip we’d planned to Philadelphia.” Suzette paced back and forth in front of where Bay leaned against a large boulder. “I’d received the telegram from you, saying to expect you that night.” She glanced up at him. “I wanted to have something special ready when you got home.”

  Swallowing the bile in his throat, he nodded for her to continue.

  “There was a loud pounding on the front door. When I opened it, Dave Calvan shoved me aside and entered, followed by three men. I tried to scream, but he stuffed a handkerchief into my mouth, bound my wrists, and hauled me upstairs.” Her haunted gaze met his. “I tried to kick, but it was useless. The men only laughed at me. Looking back, it was stupid to open the door without grabbing a gun first.” She shook her head. “There’s so much I would change if I could.”

  When he pushed from the rock, meaning to walk up to her, she held up her hands, stopping his progress. “Let me get it all out, Bay. Please.”

  Jaw clenching, he nodded. “All right.” He returned to his spot against the boulder.

  Resuming her pacing, Suzette clenched her hands at her sides. “Somehow, they knew you’d be back that night. Calvan said if I didn’t do what I was told, they’d kill us both. It was my decision if you lived or died.” Sucking in a ragged breath, she continued. “Calvan ordered one man to hide in the wardrobe, another behind the door in the bedroom, and the third behind the curtains. While they hid, he ripped my dress, pulling it down so all I wore was my chemise.” For a brief moment, she glanced over at him, her face lined in misery and what he believed to be regret. “He explained what he planned, then we waited. When we heard you enter the kitchen, he cut the rope around my wrists and pulled the handkerchief from my mouth. Then he drew a knife and pointed it at my stomach.”

  Striding several feet away, she stared at the ground, drawing in large gulps of air. After a few minutes, she turned back toward him.

  “I’ll never forget the look on your face when you stepped into our room. I remember closing my eyes and turning away. I didn’t want you to see the pain and terror on my face.” Suzette held her arms out, palms toward him. “If you saw my face, you’d know it was all a lie and Calvan’s men would’ve killed you. I couldn’t let that happen, Bay.”

  Wrapping her arms around her waist, she worked to control the agony of reliving the worst night of her life. “When you moved toward the bed, one of his men came up behind you, slamming the butt of his gun on your head. The other two emerged from their hiding places, kicking and punching you. Calvan shoved me aside, joining his men. I remember screaming, rushing toward them, but my efforts were wasted. Calvan backhanded me, slamming me against a wall. I remember pain shooting through my head, then nothing.”

  Trying to approach Suzette again, he stopped when she shook her head. “Someone heard my screams and ran for the sheriff. I don’t remember anything else until I woke in the clinic. I was in one bed and you were beside me, looking so broken and bloody. I thought you were dead, Bay. No matter what Doc did, he couldn’t pull you from unconsciousness. He tried to tell me it was for the best, that if you did wake, you’d never be the man you once were. You’d have brain damage and might not regain the use of your hands.”

  A mirthless chuckle crossed her lips. “I told him he was wrong and I’d never give up on you. I stayed by your bed for days, talking to you, trying to get broth down your throat, holding your hand. Then one morning several days later, I woke up and you were gone.” Her agonized gaze met his, slicing him as if she wielded a sword.

  “No one knew where you went or how you got out of the clinic. I rushed home, ran f
rom room to room calling your name. Then I saw the note on the kitchen table.” She put a hand to her chest, trying to stop the too familiar pain at what she’d read. “I never imagined you’d turn on me, believe I’d be capable of betraying you. Not once did I consider you’d leave me.”

  Voice breaking, her lithe form trembled until she sank to the ground, sobbing in uncontrollable gasps. Covering her face with her hands, unable to stop the violent shaking of her body, Suzette felt herself being lifted, held against Bay’s hard chest.

  Bay walked to a fallen tree, lowering himself down, cradling her in his lap. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. So very sorry.” Rocking her back and forth, tears streamed down his face, his heart breaking at all the misery he’d caused by his callous actions.

  Burying his face in her hair, Bay cursed himself over and over until he’d run out of vile words to describe what he’d done. He didn’t deserve the woman in his arms, but he was a selfish sonofabitch who had no intention of ever letting her go again.

  A wave of panic squeezed his chest at the thought she might not feel the same.

  Running his hand down her silken hair, Bay inhaled a deep breath. He’d never been a man to pray when life became tough. Now, with Suzette in his arms, he couldn’t stop talking to God, praying she’d forgive him, promising to make it up to her.

  If she’d give him the chance.

  As her sobs slowed, he felt her hand clasp the front of his shirt, her fingers digging through the fabric and into his skin. After a moment, she pulled back, looking up at him.

  “I don’t know what came over me.” She sniffed, brushing moisture from her face. “I’m not normally one to cry.”

  A pained grin tilted the corners of his mouth. “It’s all right, sweetheart.” Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss against her lips. “If I’d been a better man…” His voice trailed off. He closed his eyes, shaking his head in disgust. “Everything, all of what’s happened the last two years, is my fault.” Bay didn’t understand the chuckle which escaped her lips. Looking down, his brows furrowed at the mischievous glint in her eyes.