Quinn's Honor Read online

  Her eyes, still glassy, closed tight, then opened. Swallowing the lump of disappointment at his words, she nodded. “I understand. I’m not the type of woman you want.”

  His eyes widened, a frown turning down the corners of his mouth. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Wrapping her arms around her waist, she turned to walk away. Within three steps, a hand grabbed her from behind, stopping her.

  “I want to know what you mean, Emma.”

  She couldn’t meet his gaze, humiliation at his rejection controlling her actions. Shaking her head, Emma pulled from his grip. “It doesn’t matter.” She tried to smile, knowing she failed when she saw what looked to be pity on his face. Lifting her chin, she jutted it toward him and shrugged. “It meant nothing. I’ve never been kissed before, and you seemed the perfect person to be my first.” She wanted to choke on the lie. Whirling around, she marched out of the barn and to the house, the door slamming behind her.

  His arms hanging limp at his sides, he watched her retreat. He’d been thoughtless and cruel when he didn’t mean to be. Emma was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. Not just outside, where she shone like the sun pushing away the dark clouds, bathing his world in light. She was equally as gorgeous on the inside, with a huge heart and endless energy. And her smile…

  Quinn sighed, thinking of the smile he’d come to expect. A smile that had all but disappeared since he’d come to work for her parents. And now he’d tasted her, knew how perfect and incredibly sweet she was. Revealing how he felt, how he ached to be with her, would bring nothing but heartache to both of them.

  He’d told Bram the truth. Watching how his ma had mourned his father, how Aunt Kyla had mourned the death of his Uncle Angus, he’d vowed to never be drawn into a trap where his heart could be ripped from his chest. Quinn didn’t understand how any man believed finding love could remove the emptiness from his life. He only knew what he saw when love disappeared, snatched away as a thief takes what belongs to someone else.

  Firming his resolve to keep a safe distance until Big Jim healed, Quinn grabbed the lantern, extinguishing the flame. No matter what Gertie might say, he’d bunk with the men tonight and every night until his work here ended. Kissing Emma, holding her, had been a huge mistake. Now, each time he saw her, he’d think of the way she felt in his arms…and what he’d given up.

  Chapter Six

  Emma turned, punched her pillow, then shifted to her side in an effort to get comfortable. After leaving the barn, she ran straight upstairs, ignoring her mother calling from the living room. Three hours later, Quinn still hadn’t come inside, and she hadn’t gotten a minute of sleep.

  When he hadn’t returned from the Circle M before dark, Emma grabbed a book, sat by her bedroom window, and waited, dozing off at some point. Hours later, a noise from outside woke her. Seeing Quinn ride up, she’d grabbed a coat, slipped into boots, and dashed outside, coming to a stop when she saw him with his back to her. Emma hadn’t meant to surprise him, only to let him know her mother had saved food if he were hungry. Wanting to lessen the tension between them, she tried to make a joke about him quitting. The look on his face hadn’t been what she expected.

  He’d stunned her when he pulled her to him. Anticipation replaced shock as she relaxed into him, sending up a quiet prayer. For years, Emma had fantasized about what it would be like if he ever held her, kissed her. She hadn’t been disappointed. The kiss had been everything she’d ever dreamed of from the man she’d always wanted. Then he turned her away.

  A silent tear rolled down her face. Emma knew she wasn’t a ravishing beauty. No one would ever call her stunning, or even striking. Pretty and lovely were terms people used to describe her, along with vivacious, energetic, and kind. Until tonight, she’d always been happy with those descriptions. For Quinn to want her, she knew she had to be much more than pretty.

  Emma had heard the stories about him, the women he’d been seen with, and his trips to Buckie’s Castle. According to the town gossips, the women he escorted were older, widowed, experienced, and beautiful.

  She’d seen him at the Gold Dust Hotel once. Her parents had treated her to supper there when she’d turned eighteen a year before. It had been a wonderful evening until partway through dessert. Her heart had plummeted when Quinn walked in alongside the most stunning woman Emma had ever seen. The pie she’d been enjoying no longer tasted so delectable. Setting down her fork, she’d excused herself, citing the need for some fresh air. Unfortunately, Quinn had spotted her leaving, walking out behind her.

  He’d been cordial, asking about her parents and the ranch, standing outside with her a few minutes before excusing himself to return to his table. Watching him walk back inside, her chest tightened when he took the hand of the newest woman to capture his attention. Emma hadn’t eaten at the Gold Dust since.

  A year later, she still hadn’t learned her lesson—until tonight. Throwing off the covers, she walked to the window, looking up at a cloudless sky glittering with brilliant stars. She’d held on for years, hoping and praying Quinn might one day see her as more than the younger sister of his deceased friend. After waiting so long, Emma had gotten her wish tonight, a moment before all her dreams were shattered.

  Drawing in a deep breath, she made the toughest decision of her life. Emma would let him go, try to be the friend he wanted, and bury the love she felt deep inside. Others had asked to court her. She’d turned them all away. No longer. Starting tomorrow, she’d do her best to begin anew, even if it meant leaving Quinn MacLaren behind.

  Four days later, Quinn stomped about the barn, saddling Warrior, getting ready to ride out with the men and Emma. After what happened, he’d expected her to be angry. Instead, she’d been pleasant, agreeing to anything he asked without complaint. If possible, her smile had become sweeter, her eyes brighter when they spoke, even if their discussions only included a few words.

  At meals, she laughed at his jokes, spoke of the work around the ranch, and praised his abilities. He saw the Emma everyone in Conviction knew and loved. But it wasn’t the passionate woman he’d held in his arms a few nights before. Her friendliness no longer signaled they were friends. Their bond had been severed, leaving a hole in his heart the size of a full moon. And it was all his fault.

  Grabbing Warrior’s reins, he stormed outside, then slowed his pace. Finn stood next to Emma, probably telling her one of his Irish lies, making her laugh. As he got closer, Finn let out a whoop.

  “I’ll see if Ma and Pa will let us use the wagon.”

  “Using their wagon would be grand. If you’d like, I’ll go speak to them.”

  “There’s no need, Finn. I’ll tell them you’ve asked me to supper. I’m certain they’ll be glad to get me off the ranch for an evening.”

  Quinn’s jaw tightened, his nostrils flaring. Finn intended to court his woman. Worse, he wanted to throttle Emma for agreeing to have supper with him.

  Knowing his anger was misplaced, Quinn fumed as he walked closer, narrowing the distance between the three of them.

  “Ah, MacLaren. I didn’t hear you come up.” Finn flashed him a victorious smile. Quinn squelched the urge to wipe it off with a quick punch to the jaw.

  “Aye. I see you’ve time to spare, Finn. I’d like you to take Jory and check the far eastern boundary. It’s close to where the rustlers tried to take part of the MacLaren herd last Sunday. I want you to look for anything suspicious. Emma will be working with me today.”

  Emma’s jaw dropped, but she stayed silent.

  “But, boss, yesterday you said for me to take Emma and Jory and ride west.”

  “And now I’m telling you different. Is there a problem, O’Sullivan?”

  Finn cast a disappointed look at Emma, then shrugged. “No problem, boss. I’ll get Jory.” Mounting, he took off, casting one last look over his shoulder at Emma.

  Emma bit her lip, willing herself to keep her tongue in check. “And what, may I ask, is it you want me to do today?”

&nbs
p; Shifting his gaze from Finn’s back, he looked at Emma, his body reacting instantly. He’d fought his immediate response to her each day since their time in the barn. Right now, all he felt was growing anger. “Get Moonshine saddled. We’ll ride out as soon as you’re ready.” Tossing Warrior’s reins over a post, he took the steps into the house, leaving her to gape after him.

  Glad Big Jim and Gertie were working on ranch business in the study, he stalked to the kitchen. Filling a glass from a pitcher on the table, he gulped down the water in a few quick swallows. Setting the empty glass aside, he scrubbed a hand down his face, muttering a curse, chastising himself. Now that he’d made his intentions clear, he had no business interfering in her life.

  Quinn didn’t see a way he could ever give Emma the happiness she deserved. Pushing her away had been the best solution. But upon hearing Emma accept Finn’s invitation, he couldn’t stand aside to allow the young rogue to be alone with her at night without an escort. In truth, it was Big Jim and Gertie’s decision as to whether she went with Finn unaccompanied. Had he lived, Quinn knew what Jimmy’s opinion would have been at seeing his impressionable sister fall under Finn’s spell. He would’ve fought like hell to keep them apart.

  Quinn had to find a way to thwart the lad’s plans without garnering more of Emma’s wrath.

  His mind began to work. Quinn couldn’t talk to Big Jim or Gertie about it. Instead, he’d need to come up with another way to thwart O’Sullivan’s plans to get Emma alone.

  “Are you going to tell me what our plans are for today?” Emma couldn’t hide her sarcasm as they took the trail to the northwestern border of the ranch. Quinn may have had good reason for sending Finn off with Jory. Not catching the rustlers pretty much assured they’d regroup and try again, maybe going after her family’s cattle.

  Quinn glanced at her, then turned his gaze ahead. “We’re heading to the northwestern border.”

  Groaning, she fixed a smile on her face. “Yes, I can see which way we’re riding. My question is why? We already moved the herd south, closer to the ranch.”

  “The count was off. I’m hoping to find the missing cattle.”

  “Finn and I already tried. We found nothing—not a trace.” Her brows furrowed. “How many are missing?”

  “Your father estimates about twenty.”

  “Twenty? I saw no more than five or six run off.”

  Quinn looked at her, his mouth twisting into a smirk. “That’s why we’re riding north. To try and figure it out. Any more questions?”

  Emma opened her mouth to deliver a sharp retort, then thought better of it. No sense getting into another argument with Quinn. What did she care if they rode north, east, or west? If his answers didn’t make sense, what did it matter? All she needed to do was get through the next few days, not antagonize him, and wait. He’d be gone soon. She could get on with her life as if the last months hadn’t happened—as if Sunday night in the barn hadn’t happened.

  She shook her head. “No more questions.”

  The trail meandered north, west, then turned north again, leading to the area Quinn wanted to search. Big Jim told him of a particular gully at the extreme northwestern corner of the ranch where cattle seemed to cluster. He’d also mentioned a ravine not far away. Another favorite of cattle that wandered off.

  As they got closer to the edge of the property, Quinn reined Warrior to a halt, looking around. The gully should be straight ahead, the ravine to the right of it. His senses perked up at sounds coming from the direction of the gully. He glanced at Emma. She nodded, indicating she’d heard it, too.

  “Ride behind me, and try to keep Moonshine quiet.”

  Quinn picked a path toward the gully, then dismounted, indicating for Emma to do the same. He pulled the field glasses from his saddlebag, then checked each of his guns. Unlike his brother or cousins, Quinn preferred a gunbelt with two holsters. He’d won the set in a card game a few years before, practiced until he became proficient with both hands, and wore it most days.

  Leaving the horses, they continued forward. Steep walls, created by a combination of heavy rains and erosion, framed both sides of the gully. From where they stood, it appeared to be about a hundred yards deep and fifty feet wide, forming a rough circle that narrowed to about ten feet wide at the entrance. In the center, a small herd of cattle grazed on a sparse strip of grass. Crouching, Quinn and Emma looked around.

  “I don’t see anyone,” she whispered from behind him.

  “Neither do I.” He didn’t like it. If rustlers took them, at least one man would’ve been left behind to guard them. Counting, he came up with eighteen head, close to the number Big Jim anticipated. “Go back to the horses and wait for me, Emma. I’m going to climb to the top of the gully and look around.”

  “Shouldn’t I go with you?”

  “Nae. I want you able to ride out if anything happens.” He saw her shake her head. “Emma, it’s important you do this. I need to know you’re safe, lass.”

  “If there’s gunfire, I won’t leave you alone. Please don’t ask me to.” She crossed her arms, her gaze fixed on him.

  Quinn blew out a breath. “Lass—”

  “No. I won’t leave. You might as well accept it, or let me go with you.”

  “You are not going with me, and that will be the end of such talk.”

  “Then it’s settled. I’ll wait with the horses, but I won’t leave.” Her mouth formed a smug smile.

  “Ach. Someday you’ll push me too far.” He glanced at the gully, then back at Emma. “Go on with you now.”

  Her eyes glittered in triumph before she turned her back on him and headed toward the horses. When she glanced over her shoulder, Quinn had already disappeared.

  The walls of the gully were about fifteen feet high. An easy climb, but it would leave him exposed. Before Emma left, he’d spotted a trail. Taking it would put him at the top without being spotted.

  Removing the gun from his right side, he started up. It didn’t take more than a couple minutes to reach the top. Lying on the ground, he looked around, surprised to see flat ground, a few scattered bushes and trees, and nothing else. No men or horses.

  Holstering his gun, Quinn hurried back down. Coming to a stop, a slow grin spread across his face. Emma held Warrior’s reins, stroking his nose while whispering to the horse. Most women avoided the large, powerful stallion, too scared to get close. Not Emma. She treated him the same as any other horse—with respect and affection.

  “He seems to like you.”

  She whipped around to face Quinn, her eyes wide as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. “I was just, well…” She bit her lower lip, then turned back to Warrior. “He’s such a beautiful horse. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Walking up to her, he watched his horse nudge Emma’s shoulder, a sure sign Warrior welcomed her touch. The same way I do, Quinn thought. Letting out a low groan, he took the reins.

  “The fickle beast likes you. The only woman who’s ever been around him is Heather. Men are normally all he’ll let get close.”

  Emma shrugged. “Well, your sister is a superb rider.”

  “Aye. So are you. Perhaps he senses it in you.”

  She smiled at the compliment, then sobered. “You’ve always been a charmer. Your horse is no different.”

  His stomach clenched, seeing the light in her eyes dim. “Emma…” Reaching his hand out, he let it drop when she stepped away.

  “Did you see anyone?”

  “Uh…nae. Nothing. It seems the cattle strayed here on their own. Big Jim told me about this place. He said a few find their way here every so often.”

  Her eyes widened, then clouded over. “Papa told you of the gully? I wonder why he never showed it to me.”

  Quinn hated seeing the flash of pain on her face. “I think he just remembered it this morning when he told me about the missing cattle. No doubt he’s not been here for years.”

  “With Jimmy, no doubt. They went everywhere together.”
She sucked in a breath, then grabbed Moonshine’s reins, forcing a smile. “I suppose we’d better get these ornery animals back to the herd before dark.”

  Quinn watched her mount before swinging up on Warrior. “Aye. We should go.”

  “Finally. I was beginning to think you two had decided to spend the night with the herd.” Gertie stood on the porch, arms crossed. “The other men got back a good hour ago.”

  “We found the strays, Mama. They were in the gully at the north edge of the property.”

  “Oh my. I haven’t heard of that place for a long time.” Her face took on a wistful look. “Jimmy and your father used to ride up there, stay a few days, then come home. I think it was their time to get away from everything.”

  “Including you and me.” Emma climbed the steps, coming up next to her mother.

  Gertie smiled. “It was just their time, honey. Men need to get away sometimes, talk the way they want without a woman interfering. It’s the way of it. Right, Quinn?”

  He looked down at his boots, uncomfortable with what seemed to be a personal conversation. “I suppose so, Gertie.”

  “Let’s get you two inside. Big Jim and I have already eaten, but I saved you plenty. He’ll want to hear about the missing cattle.”

  “Did Doc Vickery come out today?” Quinn inhaled the aroma of cooked meat as they entered the kitchen.

  “He couldn’t make it. A family who arrived on the morning steamship had a sick child. He sent a message saying he hopes to come out tomorrow.”

  “Papa’s still doing better, isn’t he, Mama? I mean, Quinn won’t have to stay much longer, right?” Emma took a seat at the kitchen table, Quinn pulling out a chair across from her.

  “Anxious to get rid of me, lass?”

  Emma felt her face heat. She looked at him, then quickly away. “I’m certain your family is ready to have you back, especially with rustlers in the area.”

  “If we’re causing a hardship with your family, Quinn, please don’t feel you must stay. I’m certain we’ll be all right.” Gertie placed plates of food in front of each of them, then wrung her hands in the apron that was as much a part of her as the men’s hats and kerchiefs were to them.